Wedding Planning Tips

LEARNING TO LET GO IN WEDDING PLANNING

A potential bride was interviewing myself and my associate who would be spearheading her event. She said she was a control freak, going to worry about every little detail. My associate said, "well, you're in luck, because you're talking to two control freaks."

I had to learn the hard way, though, to let go what I couldn't control, and savor what I could influence.  For my wedding, this meant that the lighting wasn't appropriately handled the way the venue should have, but everyone had a good time so ultimately that wasn't a big deal. For my life, the beginning stages of starting the business, it meant, my clients were well taken care of within a centimeter of their lives, but my dogs weren't walked for 3 years.  My house was untidy, not stylish, and my car was a cesspool, but I had literally not one moment to pause and fix those things.

But ultimately, the business started growing on its own, because I DID take such good care of my clients, and I started having time to walk the blessed dog, vacuum the car, and rearrange some furniture (my house still is kind of ugly, but dammit, it's finally clean).  So what was vitally important those first few years?  Pleasing my clients. Listen, House Beautiful wasn't going to photograph my house anytime soon - who cares what it looked like?  (The dogs? they needed a walk, that's for sure. And I walk them every morning now!)  Here are a couple tips for knowing when to let go.

In wedding planning, Accept what you can't Change.

With your wedding, it may mean not having the all-peony bouquet you have been dreaming about since you were a kid, but it may mean having a unique one totally unseen on all of Pinterest with less expensive flowers and voila - now you actually have a special bouquet that no one else has.  Maybe it means not getting the trendy "farm to table" caterer celebrities have for their wedding, but the food truck you got blew everyone away with its great food.  And the money you saved will now go towards a house! - nice trade-off, right? 

LET GO OF PRE-CONCIEVED NOTIONS.

Maybe you grew up dreaming of a beach wedding, but your family lives inland.  Perhaps you always wanted to get married at a Tuscan-style estate, but realize it's way to expensive to hire a private mansion.  The wedding planning process is usually the first time as an adult you'll learn to "kill your darlings" - and feel okay about it. What can you control, and what can't you control?  Release what you can't overcome and welcome what you can. You'll be a happier bride or groom, a better host, and most of all, what was so important at the time of your wedding won't matter so much ten or 15 years down the line.

Wedding Planning Communication Tips from the Golden Girls

Recently, at a wedding we coordinated, a bridesmaid quoted the Golden Girls theme song in her speech.

She is my hero. 

All my friends who know me, know I'm a huge Golden Girls fan. You want to talk peak TV? This is one of the best written and performed TV series ever (and created by a woman, the brilliant Susan Harris).  We're all a little Rose, Dorothy, Sophia, and Blanche.  Take them all together, and you have a group of women who represent optimal communication skills with loved ones.

Weddings require constant communication - business negotiation and sharing creative choices with vendors, passing along organizational directives to venues and coordinators, and lots (LOTS...lots) of potentially volatile conversations with family, depending on your kin's unique dynamics.  But if you follow these communication tips straight from my favorite TV show ever, you'll be able to navigate potential landmines with much more ease.

Don't get offended by honesty.

Words can hurt - but there's a difference between fightin' words and 'telling it in like it is.'  If you're always late, and a bridesmaid warns you to better be on time on the wedding day - don't be offended, she's helping you build in a cushion to your timeline.  The Girls never pulled any punches with each other - but there was sincere affection behind all their barbs.

  Via Touchstone Television /Buzzfeed.com

Via Touchstone Television /Buzzfeed.com

 

Forgive and forget.

You can hold a grudge six ways to Sunday that your stepmother is stealing your thunder by obsessing over HER dress search for the wedding and never letting you be the star of any wedding related outings. Guess what - calling her on it probably won't make it better, it'll just make her more defensive.  Laugh it off for what it is, and if something truly serious comes up, gently bring it up with the offending person, clear the air, and offer forgiveness, otherwise you won't be able to move on - and then how are you going to have room in your heart to let in the joy and happiness of the wedding itself?  The Girls were almost brutally honest with each other, but they listened carefully and resolved situations in order to preserve their friendships. If they came across someone who wouldn't budge, they shrugged their shoulders and moved on.

 

  Via quickmeme.com

Via quickmeme.com

Have some cheesecake ready at all times.

Worst case scenario?  Set any troublesome relationships off to the side for a night and indulge in a little self care.  A yoga class, drinks with your (sane) friends, reading a good book with a cup of tea, binge watch your favorite show (ahem), tucking into a cheesecake with your fiance around the kitchen table - these problems aren't that big a deal in the long run, and you don't have to solve them.  Give yourself a break!